With the onset of COVID-19, many individuals around the world have been somewhat forcibly confined to their living spaces to prevent the spread of this versatile virus. For me that means working from home, cooking, and finding good ways to spend the time I would normally use for my work commute and other activities outside my house. One of the ways I found to occupy my time is by talking to a friend over the phone. A girl who’s very special to me.
Truth be told she’s actually someone I used to have a crush on in college, but I could never act on it since she had a boyfriend. At the time, I convinced myself to NEVER tell her how I felt while she was in her relationship. My reasoning was that it would just bring unneeded complications to her life that I would never want to put on someone I care about.
Fast forward a couple years and she’s employed, single, and…out of state. It feels like the universe itself is denying me the chance of ever formally dating her. Or so I thought, but over the quearntine I’ve been given the opportunity to get to know her better than ever before and she reminded me why I fell for her in the first place. She’s smart, diligent, caring, passionate…and I honestly feel lucky that I’m even able to talk to someone so spectacular. Learning more about her from her past experiences of heartbreaks to listening to her dreams of the future only make her shine brighter in my eyes. All the extra time I’ve spent on the phone with her has only brought us closer together and me more attached.
This is why it’ll hurt all the more when quarantine is over.
In our post-quarantine lives I’m sure we’ll still keep in contact, but I believe there’s an implicit assumption that things will go back to ‘normal’ afterwards. We’ll snap back to reality. We’ll realize that there’s over 1000 miles between us and make 1000 different justifications between us on why it wouldn’t work. “And I’ve accepted that” is what I’d like to say, but deep inside I’m scared I won’t be able to ‘snap back’ so easily.
But ‘snap back’ I will…eventually. Because we both have to get back to our lives and to be honest I’d be a bigger burden on her in the end. I know she’ll find a good guy in the area in no time, and if she doesn’t, best believe I’ll make sure to hold her to the standards she deserves. I just hope that when whatever we have has ended it’s worse for me than for her. I’d rather not have to deal with the pain.